I see it all the time. I start working with a client and suddenly they are able to:
Am I just really good at what I do?
Well yes, but I’m not a magician. As I tell my mindset coaching students, what we do is NOT heal people or get people to another level or pull out better performances; what we do is hold a space for them to find that in themselves. Now, this isn’t EASY to do. I will give us credit for that. But the work is done by the client. We don’t FIX them, we help them find the solutions inside them, to trust the path they’ve been scared to want; we help them step into another level with a steadying hand. But they are the ones that take the step.
So how do I get people to take that step to making massive change? It’s simple really; I teach people to people unlock the power of their subconscious brain FIRST. (I do this through different tactics- hypnosis, guide visualization, positive self-talk, mindfulness, and self-awareness exercises like I’m going to teach you below).
One way is by reframing how they think about things. (And if you are skimming LISTEN UP… what I’m about to tell you is THE thing that works for getting you anything you want.)
See, most of us makes things too hard. We sit around and ‘want’ things. Maybe we even go ‘work’ for things. And we think that’s enough.
Often the athletes I work with that aren’t finding success, ‘want it’ REALLY bad. Often, they are the hardest workers on the team. When someone loses weight or does some other life changing alteration, they’ve already tried to do it before. They’ve been ‘wanting’ it for years. They’ve even been working at it. And yet, they failed.
This much is clear: it’s not just about wanting something and working for it.
Sure, hard work is important. Wanting something can fuel your motivation in a big way. But it’s not enough. That alone won’t get you what you want.
Here is what will.
I call it The TEAR™ Process because it truly is the process for getting anything you want in your life. (Some of it is derived from positive psychology, some from The Life Coach School, partly it’s been altered for my use.) It goes like this:
We want something in our life. Let’s start with money as a simple example. Our result is simple: we want to make $500k. But our THOUGHTS behind that (i.e. money is bad, if you want to help people you have to take a poverty pledge, etc etc,) determine how we FEEL about money (we don’t deserve it, we feel conflicted about making it). This determines our ACTIONS(I.e. we don’t go out do the things to get money). And that leads to our RESULT (We stay poor.) This is our unintentional TEAR™process when we don’t take the time to be deliberate and disciplined about our thoughts.
It looks like this when it is an Unintentional TEAR™Process:
R-Result: NOT making $500k
A-Action: NOT doing the things that lead to making money
E- Emotion: Guilt about money, Inadequacy, Low confidence in making money,
T- Thought: Money is bad
So, once we start taking ownership of this process we can change the outcome. We cannot usually change the outcome just by wanting to change the outcome which is how we usually try to do it. ‘Just want it bad enough’ we think. “Just work hard,” we are told. Uh uh. That doesn’t work. Just ask anyone who has tried to lose weight and yo yos back and forth on the scale. Ask them how bad THEY want it. Ask them how hard THEY are working. Our subconscious thoughts determine our results. And we must FIRST change those.
Here is how we do it if we are being disciplined.
R-Result: Make $500k
A-Action: Start a business, work multiple jobs, raise your rates, do the things that lead to more clients etc.
E-Emotion: Calm sense of purpose and direction. Excited to grow. Confident this can happen.
T-Thought: I am a successful person that helps people while creating a life of abundance.
*(Thanks to MCA Student Trisha Kroll for the above image)
You can apply this to any result you want. Losing weight, getting a new job, finding your dream spouse, improving your performance on the court. The fact of the matter is that unless we start working on the backend, the front end of our life doesn’t change, at least not in a sustainable way. Sure, you might find some success by accident but to REALLY get yourself on a new path, you have to do the backend work.
Now, this is a feedback loop that you can intercepted in other areas. For example, if you do find some success, that can loop back to change your thought. If you do take some action, that can loop back and alter your beliefs about what you can accomplish. So, the process can be altered in other ways besides your thoughts.
However, we cannot make huge strides without also looking at our inner thoughts. Why? Because our brains will find the evidence to support our beliefs. Here’s an example:
If we believe we are bad at math and we get a good grade on a test, we can loop that back to alter our inner belief, right? Yes, in theory. However, our brain will most likely reject it because it doesn’t match up with our current belief. (“well, you may have lucked out on one test but remember those other 10 you failed?”)
So, the only REAL way to make change is to work on our inner thoughts FIRST. In that way, what we do as mindset coaches DOES feel like magic.
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