I used to want to be liked. I mean, don’t we all? While there are some people that don't care (which I admire), those people are few and far between... and I'm not one of them. I actually have to work at it.
I don’t mean I WANT to be disliked; that would be ridiculous. I mean it more in the words of my wise cousin Jamie who says,
"Lindsey, to be successful you have to have a healthy disrespect for other people’s opinions.”
(Those are my magic words before I speak in public by the way. Use them, they work)
But you may have noticed, I’m less scripted, less pleasing in my writing and marketing than before. Of course, I didn’t THINK I was editing myself, but turns out, I was. But I did it in such a minimal way that I convinced myself that I wasn't doing it at all. Sneaky, huh?
I’ve been empowered by a number of things- Motherhood, the development of my programs to align with EXACTLY what I want to do, my own mindset work, life, and work experience, and by being really clear about who I want to work with…. And who isn’t the right fit.
And what I’ve learned is that 90% of you really don’t care about what I say (maybe 80%, if I’m being generous) And I COULD focus on bringing you back- I could think about how to reach you by telling you what you want to hear, I could tailor my message to reach the masses. OR, I could speak directly to the 10-20% of you that already LOVE what I have to say.
Can you guess what I choose to do? Ding ding ding. You got it.
Mind you, this is a constant evolution in my business and in my life because it’s not a conscious thing. I never sat down and wrote a newsletter and thought, What does that coach that never reads my newsletter and probably should unsubscribe want to hear from me?
No, I never did that. But I did fail to do the deep work and fail to clear out the clutter in my brain to get to my true core. So, the message took twists and turns as it made its way out of my brain and onto the page. I was hoping to be liked, even if I never said it out loud. I also thought that was the way to build a business. Be appealing, my brain said, Try not to get rejected if you can help it.
Turns out, that’s a recipe for not having the impact you really feel called to have.
It happens in a million small, undetectable ways, every day. I’ve found that sometimes you only really notice it when you finally start feeling burnt out, uninspired, stale, or unsettled. When things are ‘hard’, it’s a good sign that something is misaligned.
I’m in no way perfect at this. I’m sure I still edit myself all the time, but I’m trying. The more I work on myself and my own mindset, the easier it becomes. The easier it is to remind myself that I’m speaking to the mindset coach that digs what I do and is willing to keep up.
As for everyone else? I don’t really care. I CAN'T care if I want to have a meaningful impact. We all connect with certain things and not with others, and that’s OKAY. I can convince myself I should care about them, I can convince myself it’s about serving them but really, if I’m being honest?
The ONLY reason to appeal to people that don't align with my message is to satisfy my own ego and need to be liked.
...and that’s not a good enough reason. When I’m aligned and clear in my message, I actually have a bigger impact on the people that really want to hear it.
I’ll lose people along the way, and that’s okay.
What about you? Are you okay with losing people to have the impact you were meant to have?