Lindsey 00:12
Welcome to the mindset coach Academy Podcast. I'm Lindsey Wilson. And I am a high performance mindset coach, a mom, a former professional athlete and an entrepreneur, I help coaches and high performers optimize their mindset to improve their coaching, their performance, and those other athletes and their lives. Here, you'll learn all about mindset, how to live it, how to teach it, and how to sell it.
Lindsey 00:35
Hi, y'all, and welcome to the Mindset Coach Academy podcast. My name is Lindsey Wilson. Oh my goodness, you guys, this is been a really really fun (I don't know, fun is actually the right word) fun month with my insider program and my monthly mindset coaching group, we did a whole session on failure. And it was powerful. And I want to talk about it in the podcast. I've talked about it so many times. I think, you know, failure is one of those things that it keeps coming up, whether you've actually failed, or whether you're avoiding failure, which we're talking about today. It's such a big part of our life, it's such a big part of being successful.
Lindsey 01:12
And it's a huge, huge part of our mindset work. Because it's one of those things where if you are trying to be successful, if you're driven. And I know that you are because you're here, it's something that we have to address and become self-aware about. So we're talking about failure today. And of course, this can be a failure, or sorry, of course talking about failure can be painful, I should say. Because it sucks and the work that we do, from a mindset perspective, does not make it not suck, it might make it suck a little bit less.
Lindsey 01:47
But more importantly, it makes it mean something good in your life if you're able to take failure and turn it into something. And yes, that thing can be learning, it can be getting better, it can be failing forward if you will. But another way that I want you to think about failure is sort of as like a mental rep. Because one of the things we're talking about today, as I said, is we talking about to stop avoiding failure because we do so much of that. But one of the ways to stop avoiding failure is to recognize that you're going to be okay.
Lindsey 02:19
And so every time you fail, and you recover, you not only get stronger emotionally and mentally. But you also get that evidence, you get that mental rep that reminds you that you're going to be okay if that makes sense. So it's sort of like you're able to catch yourself when you're falling. And you're like, oh, there's a net there. And so next time and this all happens subconsciously, right? Next time you think about doing something scary, you're like, Well, I've recovered before. And so you're able to take that risk, you're able to put yourself out there, you're able to risk failure because you've gotten that rep those reps in, you failed before over and over again. And you're still here, you're still okay. So I want you to start thinking about failure. A little bit like that, too. Not only is it an opportunity for learning, but it's also an opportunity to get that rep in. Right? Like it is that reminder that you're going to be okay. All right.
Lindsey 03:20
So one of the great things about failure is it's a little bit of, I don't wanna say a Rorschach test, but it's a little bit of a mirror for whatever's going on in your life. So how you look at failure and how you're dealing with failure is often coming up in multiple places in your life. And so it's a good place to work on yourself because it's so obvious when you are not working on yourself. But it has a ripple effect on so many things. So if it's a confidence thing, or if it's a fear thing, or if it's a perfectionist thing, or if it's a procrastination thing, often those same things are going to come up within failure. Okay, so know that whatever you're working on with failure is not only worth it for the failed component, but it's worth it for so many other aspects of your life because it has a ripple effect.
Lindsey 04:13
As I mentioned, one of the big things that I want to talk about with failure today is recognizing how often we avoid it. And the challenge with recognizing it is, to some degree, you're not going to recognize it, you have to recognize it, you're not recognizing it if that makes sense. Because our brain is those of you that study with me know that we have something called the reticular activating system, which is filtering in things like opportunities that we believe are there.
Lindsey 04:40
So when we are avoiding failure, we don't even see the places where we could fail. Our brain just thinks of them as non-starters. And so we have to recognize that we are not recognizing all of these opportunities around us because our brain is filtering and getting that tunnel vision to say none and know that scary, that's dangerous, we're not even going to go there. So that's how our brain works. That's how your brain works. That's how my brain works. We avoid it, avoid it, avoid it.
Lindsey 05:09
Now, why this is how our brain works? Again, if you've studied with me, or you've studied mindset, you know that our brain is not very good at distinguishing real fear and real risk, from the risk to our ego, for example, we do not want to put ourselves in danger. And danger means anything that's going to threaten our survival. And that is a wide range of things. It could be, again, any kind of stress, any kind of danger, not necessarily things that are going to keep us from having dinner tonight. And so our lizard brain is basically telling us all the time, don't do anything out of the ordinary, don't take any risks, we want to make sure we have shelter tonight, we will make sure we have dinner tonight.
Lindsey 05:55
So just stay this straight and narrow, stay on the path that we've been on before we know this direction, we're good. But the problem is, is that to do anything great in this life, we have to take risks. And so part of our brain is saying do not by any means go over there, there being someplace new and different, but probably maybe better. It wants us to stay on the path, it's always been. And so that was me, and I'm sure that has been you. When I look back on times that I've tried to be successful. I always felt like there's a part of me that's like, I'm gonna do the work 110% I am in. But there's always this little part of me that was tugging me back.
Lindsey 06:43
And I thought there was something wrong with me, to be honest. I was like, why not just go in for it? And that is part of how our brain works. There's the part that says, Yes, I'm going for my goals. And there's that part that is sort of pulling back, pushing on the brakes ever so slightly even. It says do not by any means, go do that crazy thing. Because again, we want to make sure we have shelter tonight. So this is 100%. Natural. This is what is how our brain has evolved. And thank goodness, this has kept us safe over the years.
Lindsey 07:18
But again, it's not about food and shelter. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about risks to our ego, we're talking about looking foolish in front of other people we're talking about just feeling shitty because we failed. Our brain thinks of those as risks to our survival. And to me, just knowing that this is how my brain operates, is so powerful, because there's no shame in it. There's no embarrassment, there's no saying what are you doing? Why are you doing this, this is how our brains are wired.
Lindsey 07:54
Now, just because this is how our brain naturally works. This is our natural tendency doesn't mean that it's natural and absolute. Right? We can work to overcome it. And I'm sure that you have done this in your life. I know that I have. But we have to make it intentional. Because if we leave it up to how our brain naturally works, these are neural pathways that have been billions of years have been etched into our brain. So we have to regularly and intentionally overcome it.
Lindsey 08:25
Now, this is true, whether you are the most disciplined person in the world, no matter how driven you are, no matter how much you want it, whatever it is, it is not a natural thing for you to raise your hand as a yes me, let me risk everything, let me fail in front of everybody that's going to be great, I'm in, we have to make ourselves do that. We have to make ourselves do that because of something that we want. And we know that that's a part of it, okay? So we have to use our advanced brain, our prefrontal cortex, and consciously make ourselves do that.
Lindsey 08:59
Now, the best way to do that is through routines and accountability, and through coaching and things like we do in our monthly mindset coaching because it's really hard to do this stuff regularly on your own, it's really hard to muster up enough self-discipline with all the other things you have to do in your life. So just a quick little plug. This is what we do in our group coaching because it's really hard to do on your own. It's really hard to on a, you know, random Tuesday afternoon to say yes, let me work actively on failing. That sounds great. Your brains like a man and I got to empty the dishwasher. I got to go pick up stuff at Target. That's way more fun.
Lindsey 09:37
So that is why we work on this regularly because it does not come naturally. It comes through work and the best way to do that work is to do it in a way that is regular and systematic and routine. Okay? So I'll step away with that, but that's what I want to say about that. Okay.
Lindsey 09:54
So being able to actively practice this is really, really important. So, self-awareness and making sure we recognize that we are avoiding failure is part one. Okay? Very, very important. One of the ways that you can do this one of the actual kind of crazy ways to do this is to recognize how easy it is for you to see this in someone else. And recognize that you are doing it too. So you got a kid or a person, you coach or a co-worker or a cousin, and you see them holding back, or avoiding failure, and not going for it. And you might not be doing it to the same level, but you're doing it too, it is so much easier to see in other people, so much easier. Just a good little practice to see it and other people and then recognize that you're doing it too.
Lindsey 10:47
That's part one, self-awareness. Part two, of working on failure. So part one is awareness and making sure we're not avoiding failure, even though we are budgeting aware that we're avoiding. Part one is avoidance.
Lindsey 11:03
Part two is recognizing the stories we are telling ourselves about failure. So let's say you just had a failure, maybe you got one of the past doesn't matter. But immediately when a failure happens, and even before it happens, we tell ourselves a story about what the failure is going to mean. So let me give you an example. I got two quick examples. One is I fail in the WNBA. I just talked about that in mental Monday talking about it all the time, I feel a ton in the WNBA.
Lindsey 11:34
But I remember telling myself that failure of not making it a WNBA meant no wait for it, this is gonna sound crazy to you. But at the time seemed like this was true. If I failed in the WNBA, it meant that I couldn't be a mindset coach. Now that sounds crazy. But to me it made sense. And like, who wants to listen to somebody that couldn't even use their mind to play at the WNBA level? Now I know that failing makes you a really good mindset coach. Clearly, you have to have some success. Do you have to practice this stuff and continue to practice it?
Lindsey 12:13
But there's no place in the mindset coach world qualifications, which doesn't exist, by the way, that says you have to have never failed. Who wants to be coached by somebody who's never failed? I sure don't. That means I haven't gone for it anything. Okay. So that story, I tried to make that failure mean this thing that was not true. But certainly could have been true. And here's the scary thing. If I continued to believe that, and I didn't believe it for long. But if I continue to believe that, what would I do as a mindset coach, I wouldn't have done it.
Lindsey 12:49
Because of the stupid thing that I told myself about that failure. I made it mean that thing. It said that Henry Ford, quote about, what do you think you can or you think you can't, Right? If I believed that, that was going to disqualify me, I wouldn't have become a mindset coach. But instead, I made it. I made it mean, wow, she knows how to fail and how to get back up. So I made it into that thing. Okay.
Lindsey 13:18
So that's what's important about the story we tell ourselves about our failure. Now another example. When I've had launches that have failed, obviously as an entrepreneur, I've launched programs nobody wanted, okay? Now, after game one, in particular, we had one person sign up for a group coaching program, which is embarrassing, right? Because we have to like, tell the person we don't want up people. So I remember after that thing, I remember thinking God, can I coach, other mindset coaches if I can't even have a successful launch?
Lindsey 13:48
Now the interesting thing about this example is that story is not untrue. Right? to coach other people, to make money as a mindset coach, I have to make money as a mindset coach. But here's where the story limits me. One launch doesn't define me, there is nobody that teaches business that teaches mindset coaching that teaches anything having to do with making money, that is not have a failed launch. Right? That's impossible.
Lindsey 14:18
You cannot learn enough to get to be able to coach other people who have not failed. That's just boss impossible, right? So again, the story that I tell myself wasn't totally untrue, I have to have some success to be able to coach other people. But that one launch didn't define me. Now again, what is scary about this is that if I start believing that, that this one launch defines me, I'm not going to learn from that launch. I'm not going to launch again. And I'm not going to grow into a mindset coach that can be her best or can coach other people because of the story that I tell myself about that failure.
Lindsey 14:57
Okay. So, again, then how do we avoid it? Part one is how we avoid it and how we allow our brain to hold us back and the self-awareness that we need to build up to make sure that we aren't doing that. Okay, that's step one. And then step two is watching the stories ahead of time and saying, Oh, my God, I have to, anytime I talk to one of my mindset coaches, and they say, This launch has to work, like, well, why do you not have dinner tonight? You know, and again, it's not that these things aren't partially true, it's not that money isn't important. It's not that there's no threat at all. But it's how much we believe in that story as like an absolute. Okay.
Lindsey 15:44
So part two is watching what we make these failures mean, right, and you can see this in your kids, right? We want them. If you have kids that play sports, or your coaching or your teacher, we want them to go for it, we want them to care about the winter loss. But we also want them to know that they're going to be okay if it doesn't work out so that they can have the freedom to go for it. Right.
Lindsey 16:08
So that story, what we make our failures mean, either ahead of time, or when they happen, will determine how we're able to move forward. So we have to be really, really aware of what we are making these failures mean because they're often lying. Again, the scary part of that is they are lies, but we make them become true, we make this failure mean something, and then we act, according to that. Okay. So that's where the danger is with failure. Okay. So again, wrapping up, failure, you guys, this is such a big mindset piece.
Lindsey 16:51
And one of the great things about failure is again, like I said, In the beginning, this is sort of like the mirror to so many things that we're dealing with in our life. So if you can handle yourself through failure, and you can look at yourself through failure, and you can see where you're avoiding it and where you're going for it and where you're not even seeing opportunities, you can take a really good look at yourself, in all aspects your life, and it will have ripple effects. Paying attention to how you're avoiding failure, being very, very self-aware, as much as possible. And to the areas of your life, that maybe you aren't even seeing opportunities where you're playing small, where you're allowing yourself to not go for it.
Lindsey 17:36
And then paying attention to the stories that you're telling yourself like, well, I can't do XYZ, because I don't have any money, I can't do XYZ, because I don't have any time, I can't do XYZ now, because I have a day job or because my kids are little or whatever, you're telling yourself all these things about failure. And if and then you tell yourself, well, if I fail, then this is what that's gonna mean, right? I'm not gonna be qualified to do this, or I won't be able to do this, or, you know, it feels like I'm not gonna have enough to eat. But if that's true, that's kind of a different thing. But for most people, that's not true.
Lindsey 18:15
So pay attention to the stories, you're telling yourself ahead of time, about failure, about the possibility of failure. And then in our coaching, we move towards failure, we call it running towards failure. And that's kind of fun because people choose something really, sometimes it's really simple, like launching a new program or asking for a raise at their job. Or even having a difficult conversation with a loved one or signing up for a new class, they choose one thing that's a little bit risky in their life. Because again, it's not necessarily about that thing. It's about getting that mental rep of not avoiding failure.
Lindsey 18:55
And then going forward and recognizing, regardless of what happens, you're gonna be okay. Regardless of what happens, you have a roof over your head tonight. And so you can kind of tell that lizard brain to like quiet down a little bit. So those are my thoughts on failure. If you have any thoughts, please come over to Instagram at lindseypositiveperform, let me know if you're running towards failure.
Lindsey 19:13
Let me know how you liked the podcast, share it with a friend, you guys failure is a big part of the mindset. So keep it going and look out for that monthly mindset coaching program. We are going to be opening it up for a limited time to our community and then we're closing back up again. So if you want to get working on your mindset, and come with a great community and get coached by me and dive into this stuff on a much deeper level, I got you to be on the lookout for that come on over to positive performance. training.com come over to Instagram. We'll let you know all about it. And have a great day. We'll talk to you soon and bye for now.
Lindsey 19:50
Hey, if you love this episode, make sure to check out all of our free and paid resources over at positiveperformancetraining.com You want to take mindset training to the next level we got you. But here are three more specific ways. If you want to take mindset training and live it more in your life. Definitely subscribe to this podcast. We send out bonus episodes, we have our mental Mondays, we have interviews and training episodes, definitely subscribe. If you want to teach it, meaning taking it to your athletes or your clients. I highly recommend the Psychology of Competition.
Lindsey 20:20
Again, you can check that out at positiveperformancetraining.com It is a great course that will teach you and your athletes how to have pre, during, and post-competition routines to up your performance. And if you want to learn how to have a mindset coaching business in order to sell mindset coaching, highly recommend signing up for our waitlist for our next certification cohort, which usually opens about once a year, but in the meantime, go to positiveperformancetraining.com. And check out our Ultimate Mindset Coaching Toolkit which will show you exactly how to get started with your first mindset coaching clients. Again, go to positiveperformancetraining.com for all of our free and paid resources.
